I cant decided to be annoyed right now or happy. Really?! I know, I have been asking myself that same question like a million times in the past FOREVER (or so it seams). Another question I am asking myself is.. is it real this time? But then I just shake my head and think "what the hell am I thinking?" You should all know the song by Brad Paisley "waiting on a woman"... well reverse it, and bingo, you guess it STORY OF MY LIFE. I made in a list (in my head) of all the men I have waited on, one time or another in my life. Trust me I have had more than my share (or so I think). Apparently you can guess I am thinking that waiting on men has defiantly NOT been worth it (so far anyways, I do have some kind of hope). I am putting it all on black, that one day it will ALL be worth it. All of this 'misery' (one day I will laugh I am sure, but today is not that day) I have been going through will be worth it. Worth it when I finally (I know my mere 22 years) FINALLY have 'that' someone. That someone that you can tease knowing your going to get teased right back. That someone you can flirt or argue with. That someone you can laugh with, or sit in complete silence with. That someone that will lift you up when down, comfort you when you feel alone. That someone that lets you cry on their shoulder with out getting mad you leave a wet spot from tears. That someone who completely understands you with out saying a single word. That someone who looks forward to the end of a work day so that they can see YOU. That someone you can complain about when everything is not going 'just right'. That someone that you can argue with about all those simple 'nothing' about life. That someone you can cuddle with any time you want. That someone that will tickle you till you cry or pee your pants :). That someone you can surprise with tickets to that special advent you can share together. That someone who will just drive across town to see your pretty face. That someone who knows what your about to say before you even speak it. That someone who looks at you and says "I will love you forever and always". That someone that looks past your faults and still chooses you to spend eternity with. That someone who can handle family dinners, parties and holidays, and makes you feel just as apart of his family. That someone who most importantly you chose to go to the celestial kingdom with and have your happily ever after.
Its pretty obvious how I am feeling "in this moment". But just so all you bloggers out there know, I am finally finding some comfort in this "tragedy" by turning to the Lord. Who actually knew if you pray you get some kind of answer. Not the preferred answer I really wanted, but an answer nonetheless. A real answer that has and will help me get over this "hump" in my life. I told my sister in law the other day (in a frustration with boys) that "its not like I feel old and need to be married, in fact it only bothers me because everything, I mean EVERYTHING we do is in couples or pairs. Hell, I cant even go to lagoon with out needing someone with me to ride the rides." As I tried to hold back my tears of overwhelming despair I actually thought about it (miracle, I know). I thought about taking just anyone to lagoon with me, but then it wouldnt necessary be better than going alone you see, because you have to have that "right" somebody with you to make the rides fun. (relating to life:) Being with someone just to have someone is not better than the (LONG, DREADFUL) wait for the "right" someone. (point:) Even though I feel desperate at the "moment", I have to wait for these men (waiting on a man) to figure their shiz out. I have to wait because I know that the joy of having that RIGHT somebody will utterly be worth it all. I can honestly say I know the "wait" will be worth it (I hope haha) because I have FAITH. And that is all you need.
